yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize