like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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