I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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