We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
