He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
