it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
