my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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