I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
