woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
