Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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