I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
smell my finger.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
