It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize