i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
