Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
