Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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