I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
