it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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