At least make sure they are 18
Why
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
