I want to make a zoo with you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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