Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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