where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
