is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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