My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
