$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
