i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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