dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
