There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
