shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
