WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
