dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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