My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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