i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
