If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
