I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
