Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You are the jesus of drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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