HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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