How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
