I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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