i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
