Umm I'm too high to move.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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