The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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