just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
