is your mom at the bar?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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