it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
