You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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