I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
