Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
