I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
