Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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