Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
