I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
