i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
