Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
