I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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