I hate your face
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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