White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
