Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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