ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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