it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
