It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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