just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
