just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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