I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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