We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
