ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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