No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
