Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
