I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog