I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table