GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life