no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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