i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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